What kind of boy would he be?

Well hello, my blog, been a while. Seems many of my posts start like that... hmmmm. You see I have this blog in my head that won't come out. I think of really profound things randomly, and I intend to sit down and write this blog, but well, then I think of a million other things that actually NEED to be done. And by the end of the day, I zone out watching a mindless show. But this morning (now afternoon) is important, this morning (now afternoon) is special... today marks exactly 3 months since we got Joshua in our arms. Wait... what?!? 3 MONTHS?? THAT'S IT?? I've said this before, like many other adoptive parents and ALL parents for that matter have said, the time seems to fly. Or maybe it's not that time is flying, but that the bonding process with your child is so all consuming. That every second of every day your heart is leading your mind to become connected to this child for life, to truly feel like this child is YOUR child, even though they may not have your genes... and you may never know what they looked like when they made their entrance into this world... and you may never know what they looked like when they were 3 months old, or 6 months old, or a year old. You won't be able to tell them where they where they took their first steps or what cute things they said when they were learning to talk, or how they got that scar on their forehead. And you won't be able to tell them what kind of personality traits or health conditions run in the family. While all of those things would be nice to know, they really don't matter so much. Because what I can tell him is that he is loved, more than he can even imagine. Do you love your own biological child before you know them? Before they are even born?  Or even conceived? Is there a deep, subtle love that has always been there? I think so. And I feel the same way about Sam and Joshua. I loved them since they were born, even though I didn't know them, nor even know that we would adopt them into our family. And I know that their birth parents have loved them like this and love them to this day. Somewhere in China their is a mom and a dad that quietly remember their birthdays, and I'm sure they aren't the same days that we celebrate. These parents will never know what happened to their sons. To give them a chance at life, they had to give them up. That is a love that is hard for us to wrap our heads around, but that's another blog....

The other day I read somewhere that when a child is 2-3 years old it is a vital time in their development to feel love and be nurtured by someone in a parental role. It has been proven how important those first 3 years of life are and even as infants, children have a biological NEED to feel loved. I was thinking of Joshua and how he doesn't remember his birth parents since he was abandoned at less than a year old. And so most of those first 3 years of his life he spent in the orphanage. I'm thankful that at least he felt his parent's love for almost his first year of life (maybe he was a year old, since it was an estimate that he was 10 months old when found.) But then what? What did he feel when he was growing up in the orphanage? Did he feel love? Did he feel safe? And then I wondered, would he be a different boy if he had never left his birth family? Surely he would. I have to assume that there are parts of his personality and behavior that have been profoundly affected by his life up to this point and by the fact that he lost his family and spent those years in an institutional setting instead of a home. There were critical years that we can't go back and change. And although I'm sure a good deal of his personality is God-given (as I see in my other kids whom I've known since their first heartbeat), I wonder how would he be different? Would he be as guarded with his emotions? Would he be as stubborn? Would he be as quiet around others? Would he still only want to sleep in a bed by himself? Would he still be so grumpy and agitated when he wakes up from a car nap? Would he still act overly dramatic when he gets a boo-boo? Would he be so protective over his belongs and his space? Would he love technology? Would he be gifted at sports, particularly anything with invloving a ball? Would he love Spiderman? Would he be a mama's boy? Would he pick favorites of his siblings, subject to change any given day? Would he be so open to learning and experiencing new things? Would he laugh at his brother's potty humor? Would he be resistant to affection at times? Would he feel comfortable in his own skin? Does he feel comfortable in his own skin??

I don't know exactly how his life experiences have affected him. I think some kids are more affected by their circumstances than others, and of course circumstances are different. As I look back on these past three months, I'm in awe of this boy. He has taken to our family like a bee to honey. He loves his siblings, and is slowly able to accept their affections and return affection (although we are still working on that.) He loves his grandparents and cousins and thoroughly enjoys himself at family gatherings and get togethers with friends. The changes I've noticed are that we have much less resistance and stubborn fits of yelling than we did during the first month home. He will still let us know when he doesn't want to do something, but generally he is more compliant with us and goes along even if he has a scowl on his face. He is feeling more secure with us and his role in the family, and I'm really amazed at how quickly it happened. To be honest we really haven't had any of the major issues that could have come up. He doesn't have any food issues or signs of abuse or acts of aggression. Although it is ALWAYS good to be very prepared for those issues and others when adopting an older child. I guess God just knows what we can handle and what we can't:)

Joshua is an absolute blessing, like all children. He's happy, he loves life, he's smart, he's responsible, he's observant, he's opinionated, he's athletic, he's driven, he's friendly, and he REALLY knows how to smile for a picture:)

He's doing great in school and is progressing slowly but surely with his language skills. He definitely understands pretty much all that we tell him. He will probably need some speech therapy to work out some issues that he also had in China, but we are taking it day by day. I still can't believe how well he's done in Kindergarten! He can write his name (very well) and is recognizing the letters in his name. His teacher says he's always positive and smiling and willing to try what she asks of him. Can't ask for more than that! 

He gets a blood transfusion once every 4 weeks and that has gone very smoothly. He is on special medication to reduce the iron concentration in his body and organs, and we are having to work out some slight complications with that, but I'm very grateful for our hematologist who is the head of the Thalassemia center hear in Atlanta. He is in great hands and I'm hopeful we will see his iron levels start to decrease soon. His Thal doesn't really affect him too much on a daily basis. He has energy to play and eats like a champ. Sometimes he gets headaches and he does fall asleep on the bus or in the car, but his mind is working so hard every day, so much new information to take in... I'd fall asleep too! 

Every day I wake up feeling very blessed. These five kids are the loves of my life... lucky doesn't begin to describe it. 

I only hope that I can teach them what's really important in life and to not sweat the small stuff because in the end, most of it is small stuff. I want them to take chances, to step out on a limb, to listen to a God-given desire do something they never thought they would. But mostly I would love from them to be kind to others. To think of not only themselves, to be generous and to love unconditionally. That's all... no biggie, right?

Parenting them is a privilege and responsibility.

 

I saw this quote that I loved: 

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.” 
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Now I'm certainly not going to pretend that I'm on that righteous path, but I want to be, it's something to strive for. It's so easy to get caught up in our own lives, even if we think we are "busy." We're as busy as we want to be. If you have the opportunity to help others or do something bigger than yourself, go for it. Even if you don't know how you'll do it. It doesn't have to be a big thing, the every day acts of kindness are so important and we should do them not out of guilt because we "should" help others, I hope I can instill in my children the desire to think of others. Not only to think of others but to act on that desire. Sheesh, now I'm really feeling pressure... okay, if they at least don't end up in jail or on the streets, then I'm gonna pat myself on the back. 

Right now we're in the mode of dropping off, picking up, soccer practices, music lessons, swim lessons, school projects, state testing, school involvement, etc.... not to mention playing outside with friends and teaching them how to throw a football and catch a baseball (we ARE Americans, you know.)

Did I ever picture myself with 5 kids, ummmm.... no. But I'm glad I'm not in charge. 

And not to say we live a storybook life with no arguments or family unrest or unresolved issues... how boring would that be?? Well, sounds kinda nice actually. But when we hit those rough patches, and sometimes they can get REALLY choppy, I have to turn to my faith. That's it. I give it to God because that's what He wants us to do. We aren't expected to be able to "handle" everything that comes along in this life. And deep down, I know everything will be alright. Truly, it's gonna be alright... I'm not just saying that:) 

So it's been an unprecedented year for the Dri Family. October 14th marks one year since we got Sam. I still have to double-check myself when I tell people we've adopted TWO boys in a year. And to think this is only the beginning of their lives with us. I can't even imagine the joy and heartbreak, the adventures and disasters, the accomplishments and disappointments that await us in the future.... but BRING IT ON!