About two years ago I told you the story of a little boy in China who wore a yellow shirt. (http://dri-style.blogspot.com/2014/02/i-have-this-story-to-tell-you.html) I told you how that little boy was filmed by an American couple and that video made it's way to the internet where I saw it, and he made his way into my heart.
And as I type this, that little boy in the yellow shirt is lying peacefully in the top bunk of his the bed that he shares with his little brother, who also happens to have quite a story of how he wound up here in our lives and in our hearts.
If you had asked me 5 years ago about my plans and goals... my dreams... what my story would be, I may not have have known how to answer you. I was trying to figure out what all those people mean when they talk about "finding God's will for your life." I absolutely wanted to do that.. yes, let's find that out... God's will, His desire for me, for our family.
I wanted to know, I felt a deep yearning to know. Seemed simple enough... God's will... I've heard that talked about since I was a girl. And I was ready to sign up. Just one small issue... I knew it was something great, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
I read my Bible, and inspirational books, and self-help books trying to nail down exactly what it was that God was trying to whisper into my heart, and I discovered that the answer can't be found in a book. It's too personal, too individual and there is no straight and narrow path to figuring it out. So I prayed and waited and kept my eyes and heart open. And I found that when I listened with a quiet and peaceful soul and let contentment and surrender be the center of my life, the answers came with ease. When I stopped following what I thought life was about and started following Jesus, I knew. I just knew.
What God has done in our lives has been amazing and beautiful. Sam and Joshua's adoptions have forever changed all of us, in the best ways. I truly feel like I'm a better mom now than I was before, even though we are busier, the house is louder, and we have 2 more kids to wrangle. I'm not stressed. I'm not worn down.
Do I get tired by 8:00? um, yes, sometimes by 7:30. But that's why God made wine. Let's not waste that.
And coffee, can't forget coffee... another valuable gift from God's earth.
I feel so blessed, thankful, and proud everyday to get to be the momma to my five little people. I can tell you it's so true-- love is not like a pie with a slice for each child; it doesn't get divided,... It multiplies.
Going through the adoption processes and connecting with other families and reading about the life-changing and inspiring stories of miracles and deep faithfulness; I know it's made be a better mom and a better person. Of course I still have doubts, frustrations, and times when I totally blow it as a mom, but the joy I get from my life and the people I get to do life with far outweighs those difficulties.
I now see the world in a different way, and all of my "problems" or "issues" are minor in comparison to what many families and children face with on a daily basis. Perspective if a gift we can have here in this country. I'm not saying that we should ignore the issues that come up with our children or family and friends, but I've just found that if we try to see things through God's eyes, it makes it easier to find a solution to the problem or to at least find peace in what is happening around you. I find it very hard to complain about anything.
So, yes, adoption has been a wonderful gift in our lives, on many levels. It's been a gift not only to Fred and I but to our entire family. After Joshua's adoption we were feeling nice and full here at the Dri House. What blessings these boys are, and watching them learn what family means and seeing their amazing older siblings bring them in the fold, just like one of the gang. It has been a joy to behold. 
Once you are in the adoption world, especially on Facebook, it's hard to get out:) You know, like in The Godfather. I'll spare you the quote. But really, once you've entered, your eyes are open and your heart is changed. I know firsthand what advocacy can do, as we would have never seen Joshua if Terri had not advocated for him (https://rockingtheredthread.wordpress.com/2013/07/). There are too many other stories similar to his to discount the power of advocacy; one at a time matters. I found myself advocating for some of the kids who had been waiting for a while. Sometimes I would advocate in the private groups and sometimes on my own page (those of you who are friends with me on Facebook *may* have noticed;)
It was very obvious that many of the children who wait for families the longest are boys, especially older boys and older children in general. In China, once a child turns 14, they are no longer eligible to be adopted. They will spend the rest of their childhood in the care of the orphanage and then their future is uncertain. Some will stay in a social welfare institution for the remainder of their lives. Some will be able to go to lower level schools and acquire jobs but will face much difficulty as family is everything in China, and an orphan status is deemed unlucky, undesirable, and even "cursed." In addition their houku, or family registration, would identify them as an orphan forever since they have no family lineage. They often wind up living life in the margins of society with no family to connect with. I would also imagine that a young man with orphan status would have a very hard time finding a wife as the number of men in China is disproportionately high compared to the number of women. A woman's family is not likely to accept their daughter marrying a man with that "unlucky" hukou and limited potential because of it. This article explains what happens when a child ages out: http://www.lwbcommunity.org/adoption-of-older-children
I remember when we first started the adoption process with Sam and we were on a serious learning curve, I saw someone in one of the private groups who was wanting to adopt a 10 year old boy. "Why?" I wondered. "Why would you WANT an older child if there were younger kids who were waiting for families, too. I don't think I could ever adopt an older child. That seems too hard. Too many 'issues' could come up. Nope, not for me, but God bless those people. Good for them. Yes, those older kids need families, too."
It seemed like a fine and wonderful idea for OTHER people. I was glad THEY could do that, but no way... not for us. That's waaaay out of my comfort zone.
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Mother Teresa
And then, as sometimes happens, God starts messing around in my heart and that has the effect of changing my mind. I think God knows EXACTLY what He is doing;) It just sometimes takes me a while to get there myself.
I never asked Him to do this... Believe, me. I would have picked something different. Like... God, maybe it's Your will that we travel to another country to do some mission work. Or maybe it's Your will that we find something local to support. Or maybe You would have us just be still for a while.
But adopting an older boy, God?? Like a 10 year old? Are you SURE? This is ME, remember? I loved our easy adoptions with the smooth transitions and minimal obstacles to overcome.
I didn't see this coming. We were all good, ya see. Perfectly happy and content (and still are.) It was unexpected. But as I've mentioned before, God's plans are THE BEST.
Slowly over the course of a year, this desire in my heart grew and grew. And it was clear to me that this was something we needed to take into serious consideration because it just felt too right.
Don't get me wrong, I always had reservations. Adopting a toddler and 5 year old is one thing, but a 9 or 10 year old is something entirely different. There were so many things to think about with the family dynamics and all the possible "issues" that can come up when a child has grown up without a family. All of the reasons we shouldn't even consider it bounced around in my head, but in my heart I felt that it could work... and not only would it work, but it could be a beautiful blessing in many ways.
Months go by, I can't shake the thought that God is leading us somewhere we never thought we'd go... adopting an older boy. Hundreds of older boys are advocated for constantly on agency lists, advocacy pages, personal pages, etc. Once you are in the adoption community and see the need, you can't unsee it.
I remember seeing his face on our agency's waiting child list over a year ago. Something about his smile got me. It was like joy was radiating from him. What was written about him by his orphanage made him sound like an awesome kid... "a warm-hearted older brother" "positive, sensible, compassionate, charming" "even though his sickness brings about pain and tears, he still loves life"... that last one broke my heart. But even if we were open to adopting an older child, or even adopting again for that matter (which we WEREN'T), he had a need that scared me. A need that didn't think I could "handle." He was diagnosed with hemophilia. That's for someone else to do, I thought.
Time goes by and that great boy is still waiting. He's with another agency. I started researching his need (just out of curiosity), reading some blogs written by mommas who had adopted a child with hemophilia or who had a biological child with it. I learned that, like thalassemia, children with hemophilia in China will likely only live into their 20s due to lack of proper care available to them. And, like thalassemia, hemophilia is a very 'manageable' need here in the US and people live long and full lives. And slowly I realized the need wasn't important anymore. Not to say that his need wasn't pretty serious, it was, but I found myself looking beyond that which did not define him as a person and seeing the joyful boy who simply needed a family to say "yes." Whatever his "need" may be, he is a 10 year old boy who NEEDS and DESERVES a family, like every child... bottom-line. God wanted me to trust Him so completely that I put myself in a situation that was uncomfortable to me, a situation where I would REALLY need to lean on God.
If my life was only lived within the limits of my abilities, my goals, my imagination, my version of 'life', then I know I would miss out and miss the point.
What I've discovered is that God's plans are so much more than we can imagine. And not understanding how it's all going to turn out... that's part of it. Because it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
Then something happened that I knew was from God because there is no way I could have done this myself: Fred felt it, too. Say, what?? He had not been interested in talking about it at all, not even for sake of discussion. I know this is because his heart is so big that he can't let himself think about all those kids who wait. He can't look at their faces, he can't consider them. He knew I felt drawn to the older boys, especially this one particular boy, but he was not ready yet. So when he told me he was ready, I was shocked... and I knew this was only God's doing.
And then the weirdest thing happened. I got cold feet, lol. Me, the one who brought it up in the first place. Because once Fred was in, he was IN. All of the worst case scenarios started running through my mind. All of the reasons we shouldn't do this crept in. I was scared, frightened of the unknowns. I wasn't sure I had the parenting skills to pull this off. I wasn't sure it would be good for our family. What if it would would be too much, too hard? Yet at the same time, I felt that it was right and we should do it. It could be awesome. The ups and downs of of my emotions were very strange to me. One minute I felt good about it, the next I felt nervous and uneasy. It felt kinda like... fear. And it was unexpected.
We knew his file was about to be released from an agency who had a while and we asked our agency to pull it for us. They agreed. After about a week we got the file. I still wasn't 100% sure we should move forward. These feelings felt like they were conflicting with other feelings in my heart and mind and I just needed time to pray about it. We sent the file to a specialist for review. We asked for an update. We talked to the kids about it and they were surprised and excited:) (some were more surprised than others as Shannon thought I was getting everyone's attention at the dinner table to talk about the excessive amount of smacking that had taken place during the meal [I love her]... the story took a turn she wasn't expecting, but it turned out to be a much better story than table manners.)
As "luck" would have it, right around this time, while we were waiting on an update from his orphanage, I was able to attend a retreat for adoptive and foster mommas to engage together, worship together, and learn together. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. And the topic of the group discussion? How evil can work against you to steal your light... how doubt can destroy your joy and your kill your peace. We talked about how fear can breed negative thoughts and anxiety and can keep you from rejoicing in what God has given you. Yep, that was the topic. Again, only God.
God did not make us to be fearful. He made us to find power and boldness through Him. He created us to use our minds for His purpose, not to live with anxiety and fear of the future and doubt in ourselves. If I only do things within MY comfort zone, am I trusting God? Or am I living in fear?
And through my prayers, God answered, and started giving me peace about the decision. Unexplainable peace.
And this decision wasn't made out of guilt... or sense of duty... or feeling of obligation. Nope.
I'm not trying to "save all the orphans." I can't do that. I'm not a savior. But I've been saved.
There is nothing special about us.
We are not absent of faults. God is.
We do not have unending grace and strength. God does. We cannot be sure of the future and all that lies ahead. God can.
If we can be the family for one more child who needs one, why would we say 'no' to that? Trust me when I tell you that we will receive much more than we give. Like I've said before WE are the lucky ones.
So... we are totally and completely depending on Him and surrendering [trying to.] We are exhaling and letting go and enjoying the ride... Well, as best we can... like I said, we are far from perfect:)
This boy would not be another burden but another blessing. We don't have to do this, we want to do this.
God put this incredible desire in my heart for this boy not to pity him because he was sick;
not to feel sorry for him because he didn't have a family;
but to LOVE him because that's what life is all about.
God's love is SO BIG He has to spread it out all over the world, and He invites us to join Him. Sign.me.up.
"Love doesn't just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: Love Does." Bob Goff
And although I really have no idea how this story will end and what twists and turns we will take or what cliffhangers and climaxes we will encounter, I know this: There is nothing too big for our God. And I believe there is a reason I felt this desire in my heart. Am I still scared and nervous? yep. Am I going to let that stop me? nope. I know we have to be prepared for worst case scenarios, but above and beyond that, I have great HOPE. I know he is to be our son. And I am REJOICING because of it!
It is with much excitement and pure joy that I share with you the newest member of the Dri family!
This is Min Jun (JunJun, pronounced like June-June)... soon to be Andrew Jun Dri. He is 10 years old and lives in an orphanage in Henan, China (which happens to be Sam's province.) He has lived there since he was about a year old, but his file was not prepared for adoption until 2014, just after he turned nine.
He is described as warm-hearted, bright, open, positive, cheerful and sensible.
And he is ours... and we are his. We know he will be another blessing and our love will continue to multiply. We can't wait to have him home and watch his story become part of our story and ours' part of his. We are honored and humbled God led us to him.
We have just started our paperwork and do not know when we will travel yet but we may be able to get the approvals expedited because of his medical need and the lack of proper care he receives.
What can I say?.... this story is turning out waaaay better than I had imagined.
