A soul on fire...

I grew up on Spielberg movies. In my 11 year old mind, his movies seemed magical to me somehow... the dreamers won... the visionaries, the rebels, the good guys always came out on top at the end. 

But that is not rare concept in movies, is it? Who would want to watch a movie where the bad guys win or the good guys go down? So maybe it wasn't the plot of the movies that made them special, but the characters. It was the characters we fell in love with. We wanted to hang out with them, to be part of the gang or at least help them along the way. The Goonies, Elliott and hoodie boys on their bikes (and of course little, adorable Drew Barrymore), Indiana Jones, and even the guys stuck in Jurassic Park or on the boat in Jaws were endearing. There were characters we were meant to dislike, and we did, and there were characters we were meant to root for, and we did. 
It wasn't just the storyline or the special effects that made those movies magical to me, it was the characters he created and the emotions they were meant to evoke.

I can say that I've always been an optimistic person. Rose-colored glasses, big-picture kinda girl. Everything will work out in the end, the good guys always come through while having a magnificent adventure along the way, right?

But that doesn't mean hard things won't happen to us all. For everyone, there is season(s) of our lives where we faced pain or hardship or tragedy. Unfortunately, those seasons can last longer for some people than others. But we come on on the other side, or at least that's the idea. But how long and meandering a path we take to get “there?”

We have one life. It's a gift. That's what they say, the “gift of life”... given to us by our Creator, with some help from our biological parents. If you stop and think about how two tiny microscopic organisms can join and form a human being, each distinct with our own DNA, our own appearance, our own emotions, thoughts, personality, flaws, and character traits. It's a miracle. Every time. And not it's not a given. There is no guarantee that every life will survive past the pregnancy, or their childhood, or their young adulthood. There are tragedies all around us every second of every day in the world there are tragedies in human life. Horrible words like cancer, disease, accident, sickness, loss, abandonment, abuse, and death are a constant in our broken world. Depressed yet?

Sometimes these tragedies happen only on the news, or in our local community, or to a friend of a friend, or to a close friend.... and sometimes these tragedies happen to us. And then it is no longer just a tragedy, it's devastation... it's life-altering and you are no longer the same as you once were before the tragedy intertwined with your life. I have been fortunate to not have had that kind of tragedy in my life. But that doesn't mean that I'm not grateful for every day and every blessing I have. 

And I've read amazing stories of how strong people have come through immensely difficult seasons or events with even more grace and strength than they possessed beforehand. I've witnessed stories of people so broken, and yet they are healed. And I've seen parents love children who have been through more hurt and pain than they should have ever had to experience in their young lives. Yet, they, too, are healed. How? 

And this verse:

I think that is a tough verse to believe. Although, we want to believe it, so badly,it's one thing to say it and another to act on it. But I'm telling you, I've witnessed people, families, going through more difficult things than I can imagine, things that would scare anyone, and all they can do is put their faith in God. And in doing that, they experience a peace that is beyond what we can understand. But it's hard to take a leap and not know where you'll land. 

But it seems that if God can take such brokenness and make it beautiful, then it's His way of saying, "Look, see what I can do? It's more than you can imagine."  It's hard not to put God in a box, and say, "Well, God is in THIS part of my life, but not THAT part."

And while it's easy to say we have a strong faith in the good times, I've seen how deep faith truly is in the midst of dark days from people who are not just strong within themselves, but have found their strength in Christ. It AMAZES me. I can only conclude that we cannot fathom all that God can do...  until He does it.

Lately I've been flabbergasted by the inconsistencies in the world... by the discrepancies. One minute there's a story about a family relying on their faith to come through a difficult event or tragedy with hope and love and grace... and the next story is about what new clothes a celebrity bought for their toddler or what idiotic thing a politician said to gain attention... or how inflated a football is.

Every day in cities throughout the world, there are people trying to figure out where their next meal will come from and people with a child facing a life-threatening diagnosis… and then, in the same community, there are people trying to figure out what drink they want to order at Starbucks or how they're going to get to all of the kids' activities this weekend, or where they are going on vacation this year.

Throughout the world, there are parents who give up their child because of a birth defect or disease, and then there are people who are overjoyed about the chance to bring that child into their family. 

It doesn't seem fair. Discrepancies.

And while there is nothing bad or wrong about wanting the nice car or house, or fun vacation, (we are meant to experience pleasure!), we all know that's not really IT... that's really not what life is about, in the end. Talk to anyone who has faced a seriousness illness, or had a near death experience, or has simply come to the end of their long life... they will tell you, it's not about the sights you saw, or the places you went, or the things you had, it's about the PEOPLE who were there with you. The PEOPLE you loved, the PEOPLE who's lives you touched and who touched your life; they are what make life worth living. And it's not just the amount of time you spend with them, but it's the depth of presence in being with them during those times.

So if life presents you with the opportunity (and by “opportunity” I mean what most of us in the first world have on a daily basis) to make a difference in another person's life, then by all means grab it.

If we think we are too busy or not emotionally equipped to help someone, to make a difference, to take a risk, to change a life, then maybe we are wrapped up in the wrong things. Maybe our short term happiness is jeopardizing our overall joy. 
And when we look back on these years and seasons of our lives, we will have regret or wonder “What if I had?”

There are families I know in the adoption world who are raising and loving very sick children. Or children with needs far beyond what they ever envisioned being able to care for. But they do it, they fight for them, they get them the medical care they need. They love them exactly how they are, not how they thought they would be. And they will say, even though it's much harder than they thought it would be or life has taken their family in a different direction than it was "supposed to go," they wouldn't change a thing and what they have learned and gained from the difficulties is immeasurable and beyond our understanding.

Yep, sometimes ideas that God puts in our hearts may seem strange to others, or even ourselves! Sometimes we look at choices people make in their faith journey and pursuit of God's will and we think, "Well, good for them, that's great they chose to live their life that way. But it's not for me." Or better yet, we say, "Um, they're crazy."

 But sometimes it's the craziest things that will bring you the most peace. Kinda funny isn't it?


If you are friends with me on Facebook, you know I occasionally, okay, maybe more than "occasionally," post about children in China needing families. For those you not in the China adoption circles, let me tell you... the kids I post about?... just a FRACTION of the kids I see being advocated for on a daily basis. And the kids that have adoption files and are being advocated for?... just a FRACTION of the kids who actually need families. Is it overwhelming? Yes. Is that a reason not to try? No.

There's a boy in China who wants to be an engineer when he grows up. People in the China adoption community know him as "Oscar." He is good at math and he likes to put things together. He is bright. He is a fighter. He's got a great smile. 
Who knows what he could do in this world? What kind of a difference he could make? He's about to be 10 years old and the possibilities are endless, like his dreams and his enthusiasm.

Theres something else about this boy... he was born with Beta Thalassemia Major. His body, like our Joshua's body, does not produce healthy red blood cells to carry oxygen. His hemoglobin does not hold and drops to dangerously low levels where he would not survive without regular blood transfusions. The life expectancy for children born with this disorder in China is not long. His body is in iron-overload from all of the blood transfusions and his organs are affected. Sooner or later his heart will begin to show the effects of iron-overload and without medication to remove the iron, he will pass away probably as a teenager or young adult.

Please don't take this as over-dramatic or a guilt-redden message. I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for him. This is just the harsh reality for him and other children like him anywhere in the world where adequate medical care is not being provided.

I realize children die every day in this world, some as orphans, some not. “We cannot save them all." I've heard that one. This is true. And you should not adopt a child just to “save” them. I cannot put into words what it feels like to adopt a child born into this world in a different family who is now part of our family forever. What I can say about our adoption experience is that it is life-altering in the best way. I will never be the same, thank the Lord. And I can tell you this... it is feels natural. We were made to love each other, to seek out each other, to try our earthly best to do what Jesus did for us for each other.

We are made for so much more than living in our bubble. Everyone can do something. It doesn't have to be adoption. It could be advocacy, fostering, sponsoring, mentoring, volunteering and on and on.

This boy's life does not have to end in tragedy. His story could turn out beautifully and in my heart of hearts, I know it will. I know this boy has a story to tell, and I believe the world will get to hear it. And one lucky family will be there to witness it all. Someone reading this right now could be that family, his family.

Here are some videos of him taken last summer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wEbXR4fvW8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw7OttDmMHk

Here is a link to a blog that explains more about adopting a child with Thalassemia: http://choosingthalassemia.blogspot.com/

Here is a link to a wonderful organization that supports people living with Thalassemia.  http://www.thalassemia.org/

Here is a video made by a mom who adopted a boy with Beta Thal Major to show what a transfusion day may look like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjILWvM4Yvo

God has big plans for Oscar. His story is not going to be cut short.

We can't help all the orphaned or sick children in the world, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. There are many, many "older" children waiting for adoption.


Another boy on my heart is ten year old "Emery" who lives in an orphanage in Shanghai. He has been waiting many years for a family to chose him. He also has Beta Thal Major. For a while he was not allowed to go to school since he needed transfusions. He now attends the orphanage school. He is outgoing, very talkative, and gets along well with his classmates and roommates.

Long ago... Sweet boy!

Very recent video of Emery:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE3YnuhK_T4&feature=youtu.be

Obviously, these boys with Thalassemia tug close to my heart. I know what will happen if they aren't adopted. I know what excellent care they could receive here in this country. I know they, like all children, deserve families, deserve a chance to shine in this world.

We can choose to let the brokenness of the world define us and defeat us, or we can chose to see something beyond it, something so beautiful we cannot imagine it until we are living it.  I'm very happy... and in my happiness, I'm still longing. I'm longing to have my soul on fire for God's desires.

Life is a gift... How is your movie going to turnout? What are we going to do with our speck of sand in the hour glass? 

Whatever it is, I hope we don't only pursue our own desires but seek to desire what God puts in our hearts.

What if?... Beauty from ashes.

What if we didn't say "yes"? 

What if we thought of all the reasons why we shouldn't? 

What if we let our fears of the unknown change our minds? 

What if we only thought of how impractical it was?

What if we convinced ourselves that we shouldn't?

What if we said, "no"?

It's been almost 2 years since we adopted Sam and a little over a year since we adopted Joshua.  Yeah, looking back on it, we COULD have adopted Joshua at the same time as Sam. I learned about Joshua before we had our official approval from China, but adopting two wasn't even on our radar at the time, especially not two at once!! But, gosh, that would have saved us some airfare, lol;)  No, but seriously, Fred might have had a heart attack on the flight, so I think it all worked out just fine the way we did it;)


Things happen for a reason they say. Who knows how the bonding would have been different. Sam fit in our family so easily and seamlessly. When we got home from China with Joshua, Sam hadn't even been home a year. It was a lot for him to adjust to at first. We made sure to give him plenty of attention and his personality benefited him as well. (He is no shrinking violet;)
Sam's personality has really come out over the past year. He is a type-A, leader who likes to tell others what to do yet is also very sweet and kind and loving... not to mention a REAL character. He cracks us up with his facial expressions and sense of humor. He knows how to cross his eyes and does so when I'm at my most serious giving him a lecture about something he shouldn't be doing... I've learned to prepare mentally for this so that I don't crack a smile, but it's hard.

  Sam is a good friend and he loves to hang out with his fellow-3-year-old cousin, Lyla...

But I have to say... his BEST friend? His partner in crime? His bud?... is his brother, Joshua.  And who does Joshua play the best with? His brother, Sam.

Watching the bond between these two develop over the past year has been a joy to behold. I'm so happy they have each other. It started out as Sam playing the role of annoying little brother. Then slowly over time as Sam got a little older, he and Joshua just started clicking. And Joshua looked at him not as a "baby brother" but has his playmate and friend. 

Daniel is still the big bro in charge and he plays with them when he wants, but usually he prefers to play with the older neighbor kids or by himself. They have spurts where they all play nicely together, but for the most part, Sam and Joshua can play with each other for extended periods of time and not get on each other's nerves. Now, I'm SURE this will change in the future, but we are all enjoying it while it lasts:)

Another factor in the equation that I realized several months ago is that Joshua has learned how to use his imagination! He knew how to play with other kids some from growing up in the orphanage, but the art of imaginary play and creativity was lacking when he first came home at age 5 1/2. It's been one of the great joys of motherhood watching him come out of his shell and let his imagination take him wherever he wants to go. Awesome.

And then there's the "Doggie situation." Joshua quickly bonded with a stuffed 101 Dalmation puppy which is affectionately known as "Doggie." If you know us, you've seen Doggie, many times. They are kinda attached at the hip, although, he doesn't take him to school anymore. Doggie was originally Daniel's that he actually got for his 7th birthday, right around the time we got home from China with Joshua. Somehow, Doggie made his way to Joshua's room (I think because Daniel was being very generous and sharing his new toy with his new brother.) Apparently a deep bond formed, and Doggie never made it back to Daniel... which Daniel was graciously accepting of. 

Joshua talks to Doggie everyday... and, yes, Doggie talks back. Unfortunately, Doggie has the most unattractive, nerve-wracking voice:/  Joshua cares for Doggie and gives him the biggest hugs.  Sometimes Doggie does things that he shouldn't.... usually when he is with Sam, surprisingly. 

Me: "Sam, don't do that."
Sam: "It was Doggie!" 
Me: "Okay, Doggie, don't do that, pick it up."  

Doggie has been to every transfusion. He even got an IV one time with our awesome child-life specialist, Kate. FYI, Tegaderm does NOT come off Doggie fur easily... he'll carry a little piece of adhesive with him forever.

Sometimes Doggie talks for Joshua or helps break the ice for Joshua when people are talking to him. Joshua has been diagnosed with an articulation disorder as well as an expressive language delay/ disorder. So for people that don't know him (and sometimes for us!) it's very difficult to understand what he's saying. We know he had similar issues in China as well. But darned if he's not the most resilient, hard-working, and bright kid.  He WILL find a way to make me understand what he's trying to say when I just don't get it. He's resourceful and never gets frustrated with us or anyone. He amazes me.

 

 Doggie even got to meet John Smoltz!

The girls are both doing great. Shannon is in 7th grade, ack!! She's so responsible and helpful and self-motivated... we are so lucky she's our oldest:)

Ella loves life and really enjoys her little brothers. Even she and Daniel have their bonding time hanging out with their 116 stuffed animals in the basement behind the couch. 
She adores Joshua and Sam and is always willing to help them out or play with them or make them breakfast or a snack. 

 Ella and Sam share an intense love for candy.

And last, but certainly not least, my Freddie:)

 My guy. The one who is always by my side in this crazy world. He is not everyman. Nope. He's his own man. A man who is loving and generous. A man who has strong convictions and is always seeking to better himself. A man who has stepped FAR outside his comfort zone and has not looked back. He loves those two boys just as much as he loves the first three. He wants to give them the world, all of them. He wants all of them to reach their potential and he gently helps them along the way.

 

The beginnings of Sam's and Joshua's lives are greatly unknown to us... they both faced abandonment and loss and trauma. And while I will never understand why these kinds of things happen in the world, I will try to find something beautiful in what remains. They are both loved more than they can ever know... they are family...they are sons... they are brothers. 

Everyday I look at our life in awe. I'm so grateful for all we have been given. All of it comes from God, all of it is His. I can only hope we make the most of our blessings and talents and gifts, and that we appreciate them and never take anything for granted. All of my "problems" are first-world problems. I'm acutely aware of that. 

I am not chasing happiness, I'm living with joyful gratitude.