What if?... Beauty from ashes.

What if we didn't say "yes"? 

What if we thought of all the reasons why we shouldn't? 

What if we let our fears of the unknown change our minds? 

What if we only thought of how impractical it was?

What if we convinced ourselves that we shouldn't?

What if we said, "no"?

It's been almost 2 years since we adopted Sam and a little over a year since we adopted Joshua.  Yeah, looking back on it, we COULD have adopted Joshua at the same time as Sam. I learned about Joshua before we had our official approval from China, but adopting two wasn't even on our radar at the time, especially not two at once!! But, gosh, that would have saved us some airfare, lol;)  No, but seriously, Fred might have had a heart attack on the flight, so I think it all worked out just fine the way we did it;)


Things happen for a reason they say. Who knows how the bonding would have been different. Sam fit in our family so easily and seamlessly. When we got home from China with Joshua, Sam hadn't even been home a year. It was a lot for him to adjust to at first. We made sure to give him plenty of attention and his personality benefited him as well. (He is no shrinking violet;)
Sam's personality has really come out over the past year. He is a type-A, leader who likes to tell others what to do yet is also very sweet and kind and loving... not to mention a REAL character. He cracks us up with his facial expressions and sense of humor. He knows how to cross his eyes and does so when I'm at my most serious giving him a lecture about something he shouldn't be doing... I've learned to prepare mentally for this so that I don't crack a smile, but it's hard.

  Sam is a good friend and he loves to hang out with his fellow-3-year-old cousin, Lyla...

But I have to say... his BEST friend? His partner in crime? His bud?... is his brother, Joshua.  And who does Joshua play the best with? His brother, Sam.

Watching the bond between these two develop over the past year has been a joy to behold. I'm so happy they have each other. It started out as Sam playing the role of annoying little brother. Then slowly over time as Sam got a little older, he and Joshua just started clicking. And Joshua looked at him not as a "baby brother" but has his playmate and friend. 

Daniel is still the big bro in charge and he plays with them when he wants, but usually he prefers to play with the older neighbor kids or by himself. They have spurts where they all play nicely together, but for the most part, Sam and Joshua can play with each other for extended periods of time and not get on each other's nerves. Now, I'm SURE this will change in the future, but we are all enjoying it while it lasts:)

Another factor in the equation that I realized several months ago is that Joshua has learned how to use his imagination! He knew how to play with other kids some from growing up in the orphanage, but the art of imaginary play and creativity was lacking when he first came home at age 5 1/2. It's been one of the great joys of motherhood watching him come out of his shell and let his imagination take him wherever he wants to go. Awesome.

And then there's the "Doggie situation." Joshua quickly bonded with a stuffed 101 Dalmation puppy which is affectionately known as "Doggie." If you know us, you've seen Doggie, many times. They are kinda attached at the hip, although, he doesn't take him to school anymore. Doggie was originally Daniel's that he actually got for his 7th birthday, right around the time we got home from China with Joshua. Somehow, Doggie made his way to Joshua's room (I think because Daniel was being very generous and sharing his new toy with his new brother.) Apparently a deep bond formed, and Doggie never made it back to Daniel... which Daniel was graciously accepting of. 

Joshua talks to Doggie everyday... and, yes, Doggie talks back. Unfortunately, Doggie has the most unattractive, nerve-wracking voice:/  Joshua cares for Doggie and gives him the biggest hugs.  Sometimes Doggie does things that he shouldn't.... usually when he is with Sam, surprisingly. 

Me: "Sam, don't do that."
Sam: "It was Doggie!" 
Me: "Okay, Doggie, don't do that, pick it up."  

Doggie has been to every transfusion. He even got an IV one time with our awesome child-life specialist, Kate. FYI, Tegaderm does NOT come off Doggie fur easily... he'll carry a little piece of adhesive with him forever.

Sometimes Doggie talks for Joshua or helps break the ice for Joshua when people are talking to him. Joshua has been diagnosed with an articulation disorder as well as an expressive language delay/ disorder. So for people that don't know him (and sometimes for us!) it's very difficult to understand what he's saying. We know he had similar issues in China as well. But darned if he's not the most resilient, hard-working, and bright kid.  He WILL find a way to make me understand what he's trying to say when I just don't get it. He's resourceful and never gets frustrated with us or anyone. He amazes me.

 

 Doggie even got to meet John Smoltz!

The girls are both doing great. Shannon is in 7th grade, ack!! She's so responsible and helpful and self-motivated... we are so lucky she's our oldest:)

Ella loves life and really enjoys her little brothers. Even she and Daniel have their bonding time hanging out with their 116 stuffed animals in the basement behind the couch. 
She adores Joshua and Sam and is always willing to help them out or play with them or make them breakfast or a snack. 

 Ella and Sam share an intense love for candy.

And last, but certainly not least, my Freddie:)

 My guy. The one who is always by my side in this crazy world. He is not everyman. Nope. He's his own man. A man who is loving and generous. A man who has strong convictions and is always seeking to better himself. A man who has stepped FAR outside his comfort zone and has not looked back. He loves those two boys just as much as he loves the first three. He wants to give them the world, all of them. He wants all of them to reach their potential and he gently helps them along the way.

 

The beginnings of Sam's and Joshua's lives are greatly unknown to us... they both faced abandonment and loss and trauma. And while I will never understand why these kinds of things happen in the world, I will try to find something beautiful in what remains. They are both loved more than they can ever know... they are family...they are sons... they are brothers. 

Everyday I look at our life in awe. I'm so grateful for all we have been given. All of it comes from God, all of it is His. I can only hope we make the most of our blessings and talents and gifts, and that we appreciate them and never take anything for granted. All of my "problems" are first-world problems. I'm acutely aware of that. 

I am not chasing happiness, I'm living with joyful gratitude.