I have this story to tell you...

I've been contemplating writing this blog post for over a month now. There were times when I thought I might not need to write it, but I'm so filled with joy to share this story with you.

Let me start by saying that I have felt God work in my life in amazing ways over the past few years. I feel like my relationship with God is definitely stronger than it was say, four or five years ago (although I'm still working on living how He wants me to live, it's a challenge that I welcome.) I can't really put my finger on why or how I came closer to God and started seeking Him more in my life. It's not like He was absent in my life before a few years ago, I think I had just gotten busy with ME and what I wanted and felt like I deserved. For some reason, 2-3 years ago I found myself being really drawn to listening to the local Christian music station. The songs drew me in and their words spoke to me. We began going to a new church with great music as well and sermons that were designed to reach those who may have drifted away from God. The sermons were very applicable to daily life, and for me, were very inspiring. I started seeking His will for my life. I prayed for it and asked Him to reveal it to me. As I look back on it now, I seems clear that God was calling me closer to Him. There wasn't much that changed in my life around that time, but God had a plan, a big one. 

He led us to adopt Sam, which has been one of the most unbelievable blessings of our lives. Our whole family is blessed by him and all the other special people who are part of his life. 

We don't adopt out of guilt or pity... we adopt out of love. We don't adopt because it's our 'duty' to help, we adopt because it's our honor to be his parents. 

Fred and I love being parents to these great kids. It's been a joy to watch the older three with Sam. They love him so much, and it's so real and so true. He is their little brother, forever.

Now, getting to the story I want to share... last summer we were in the middle of our adoption. We were not so patiently waiting on a official approval from China that would set things in motion so we could travel. It was mid-July and I was checking the latest updates on the Facebook group of other families in the process of adopting from China. There were people in various stages of the process, some were behind us, some were recently home with their child, and some were traveling. A lady in the group posted her blog site where she was advocating for some children who were in her daughter's orphanage. She had recently returned home with her daughter who was adopted from Hunan. The post was titled "Friends left behind." I clicked on the video and there were two boys, both 4 years old. One was very animated and active, not shy in front of the American holding the camera:) The other boy was timid and seemed a little unsure of himself. They were boys whom the orphanage was hoping to find families for. They had both waited years, their files were prepared and ready for a family to adopt them. It is not rare to learn about children in China (and all over the world) who have waited years for a family. Once we got into the "adoption community, " my eyes were opened to all the needs and all the children without families. 


It is certainly true, no one person can "save" them all. There are millions of orphans in the world. I learned that there are kids of all ages with various types of needs in China available for adoption. As I was watching these two boys interact with the orphanage official who was off camera asking them questions and telling them to count or recite a poem, I found myself instantly drawn to the timid boy in the yellow shirt. He was nervous, but there was one point at which the orphanage official tried to make him laugh and he broke into a little smile that melted my heart. The connection I felt to him was strong. I was drawn to him. I must have watched the video 20 times. I wondered to myself, "What am I doing? Why am I thinking about this boy? We are waiting to bring Sam home." After a few weeks, I learned his special need was a serious one that made it even more important that he be adopted soon. I had learned about this genetic blood disorder months before and felt a strange connection to it. I felt like we could adopt a child with this need one day and that we should. But, again, we were in the middle of Sam's adoption, so while I felt that he was a special boy and felt drawn to him, I tried to put it out of my mind and never mentioned it to anyone. 

Fast-forward, we are home with Sam and things are going beautifully. Really, surprising well. It felt almost seamless (as soon as the jet lag subsided.) Sam belonged in our family and God led us to him.
I am a member of a closed group on Facebook helps advocate for children available for adoption in China. These children are listed with many different agencies here in the US and many of them have waited years and years. One day in early December, the lady who posted the video in July posts a picture of him. My heart skipped a beat. I had never forgotten about him and he was always in the back of my mind. He was still waiting. I learned he had been with the same agency since last April. I later learned that his adoption file had been prepared when he was two years old. He had been waiting for over two years. He had waiting too long.

I felt too strongly about him to not tell Fred. Of course, Fred was surprised, shocked really, that I was bringing this up. I was, too actually. Was I actually thinking about trying to adopt this boy?!?! We had JUST gotten home less than two months before! It seemed too crazy, but then again it didn't. Maybe part of the reason that God blessed us and Sam with such an easy transition and bonding is so we would be able to take another leap of faith? 

Adoption is not a checkbox on our application to be "good Christians" and live as God wants us to live. It's not something that you say, "Okay, did that. Done now." It changes your life. It's not always easy, in fact MOST times it's not easy. But for some reason, many families who adopt once, adopt again. It's a life-changing experience to be able to make a child your own...a child who had no parents, no siblings. And to be able to give that child a family, give them your unconditional love and then to receive their love whenever they are able to give it... that's what brings adoptive parents back for more. Not every family feels the desire to adopt again. And of course, there are many families that would adopt again but aren't able to for various reasons. But overall, families will tell you they'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Yes, it seems so soon and there are many unknowns...we don't know how it will be, we don't know if he will have difficulty bonding, we don't know how adopting him will effect our lives, heck, we don't even know where he'll sleep right now... but we feel God is calling us to this boy. Do we have more love to give? yes. Do we feel we could parent another child? yes. Do we want to be this boy's family? yes. Could this boy be another blessing to us? yes.

It wasn't without A LOT of discussion and thought that we came to the decision we eventually reached. Adopting this boy sounded pretty illogical, really. But every time I thought about saying 'no', it didn't feel right. Who am I, who are we, to say 'no' to God?

I read this on another blog by an adoptive father..."When it came down to it, we couldn't come up with a reason to say 'no' that we could live with for the rest of our lives."  

And to be honest, I didn't want to say 'no.'  I know it's a more responsibility, more parenting tasks, more food, more money, more laundry, more noise... but it's also more love. And I don't look at it as something I "should" do or feel obligated to do, to me this is something I WANT to do. I'm going to try my best to remember that during the hard times:)

Do we feel some fear about saying 'yes' to adopting this boy? I think it would be unhealthy if we didn't. There are so many unknowns. But as I pray, I feel my fear going away. I am still nervous, anxious. But strangely I'm not afraid. I know that no matter what, we'll be okay. I find peace in this. I know this must come from God because I certainly don't have the strength or courage to do this on my own.

So this story is actually just getting started... I'd like to tell you that Fred and I submitted our Letter of Intent to adopt this boy yesterday, February 4th, 2014. And it didn't hit me until last night that February 4th, 2013 was the day we got the call from our agency about Sam! Exactly one year to the day:)

We asked the kids their thoughts before we made our final decision. They were all ecstatic! Well, except Sam, because he has no clue;)  

So if you have heard from one of our kids that we have been thinking about adopting another boy from China, you can believe it. Yes, we are THAT crazy!

Thankfully, we will be able to use much of the paperwork that we accumulated last time! Yay!!! I can't say now when we will travel, but I'm hoping the process goes quicker this time. We will also be trying to medically expedite the process because of his medical need.

It feels like deja vu to be beginning this process again so soon. But at least now I know what to expect. I'm not looking forward to all the waiting and paperwork and really, the idea of getting on a plane to China (and back from China) again is not appealing to me. But, this is what has to be done. And he is waiting for us. And he doesn't even know we're coming... he doesn't know that his family has found him and that we can't wait to bring him home.

(guess I need to change the name of the blog now...) Oh, and we're still working on his name:)