50 Days

He's been ours for 50 days. Well, really he's been in our arms for 50 days.  I think he's been ours for much longer. The woman who runs his foster home told me on gotcha day that he is our son and he feels that. We felt it too, right away, and now it seems like he's been in our family forever. I've heard other adoptive parents say this. It is a very comforting feeling. I know we are only at the beginning of our journey. No where near the end. We will be on this journey for the rest of our lives and so will Sam. The journey to adoption doesn't end with the signing of official paperwork, that's just the beginning. I'm enjoying every milestone, every step, every hug, every laugh, and I'm happy I can calm the fears and soothe the tears. He is a precious gift, like our three we got "the old-fashioned way." And I know God has big plans for him, I'm looking forward to watching him blossom and reach his full potential. 

I don't know how many of you reading this saw the post on Facebook from Little Flower Projects, where he was as an infant. I have kept in touch with them and they recently shared a birthday picture I sent them from his second birthday which was on November 17th. They know their supporters love to see updates from the children they cared for. I knew he was weak and malnourished when he came into their care in March 2012, but I never knew he weighed less than 6 lbs. at 4 months old. They posted the link to the intake picture of him at that time. Of course people were amazed to see the effect that medical treatment and love have had. But that isn't the miracle. God had a plan all along and it's a miracle that he made it to Little Flower and his life began to change. The miracle happened in the orphanage... God had a plan. A BIG plan.

It amazes me that when I chose that verse to be a permanent fixture on my blog and as the verse I wanted on the cross-stitching my mom made for him, I had no idea the significance it would have now.

 I started thinking about what Lily told me... that he wasn't on the list of babies the orphanage wanted to send to them. But why not? They send babies with club feet, cleft lip/palate, premature, heart defects, etc. They were sending a lot of special needs babies out into foster care at the time. Why wasn't he on the list? They knew other babies needed help and they were asking for help. Surely anyone could have taken one look at him (like Lily did, thank the Lord) and could tell that he was in dire need of medical attention. Why then? After some thought, I came to this conclusion.... they had given up on him. He was too sick, too skinny, his heart was too defected. They were trying to help the babies they thought they could save. But God gave him the strength to survive, even when those around him had given up hope.  And as this reality hit me and I started taking into account ALL that his little body has been through in his short life and ALL the different caregivers and homes he has had, the magnitude of this miracle finally hit me, hard. And it was so obvious that God has carried him every step of the way, especially in those first months in the orphanage. I have this overwhelming feeling of honor, that God chose us to be his parents. US!!  As I held him in my arms at bedtime after my epiphany, I just felt so lucky, so honored to be his mom and so hopeful for his future. I know he is happy and he knows we are his family, forever. God's plans are beyond our understanding at times, but now everything feels right. 

I was so happy my grandma was able to come down for Thanksgiving at my parents' house. She is 93 and doing great, but her memory is going and she has a hard time retaining information. Needless to say, this adoption was a big thing for her to wrap her head around, but she did! She was looking forward to meeting Sam, and she fed him some Thanksgiving food and kept commenting on how pretty his hair was and how cute he was:) My mom told her about our adoption over time and she was able to truly understand the significance of what we were doing. That was such a blessing to me because she has always been such a role-model for me spiritually. We have always been very close and all my life she showed my, by example, how to be a loving, forgiving, and joyful person and her close relationship with God was her rock. Her faith is very strong. She loves God and has done a beautiful job of sharing the love of God with the people around her in her family and community. Her relationship with God was something I always aspired for and is definitely a part of my faith journey. I love my grandma!

One last one of our silly, happy, sweet boy...