It's not a destination, it's a journey

She let me drive her car when I was around 13 or 14 years old. We were in her burgundy Oldsmobile that my uncle had helped her purchase after her 1970s Mercedes diesel became too unreliable for an older woman to be driving long distances. We were on a dirt road, or maybe there wasn't even a road, maybe it was just a grassy field. We had gone down the road from her hilltop house in Blairsville, Ga to either visit one of her friends or to pick some wild blackberries or to retrieve one of the many dogs that she cared for in her years. I can't recall the exact reason, but it was just the two of us. I remember having never been behind the wheel of a car as I was a couple of years away from my permit. I only drove a short distance, but that first time you push the pedal and are in the driver's seat is a moment you don't forget, and I shared that moment with her.

Grandma and I in Ormond Beach at the "Florida House"

My grandma is 94 years old and she is, and always has been, a source of great love and warmth and comfort to me. From my first memories as a child, I can remember her regular visits to our house or going to see her and being so excited and joyful to get to spend time with her. The sound of that Mercedes diesel coming down the road was music to my hears (even our yellow lab, Sugar, knew the sound and would start whimpering and wagging her tail frantically, looking for a stick to pick up to greet Grandma.)

She was a child of The Great Depression. Born in Atlanta in 1920. Her father died when she was young and her mom taught school and raised the three children on her own. Grandma had two older brothers, one of whom had developed an addiction to morphine after it was prescribed to him and died at a young age from an overdose. *Edit to add: We recently learned that his cause of death was suicide from cyanide poisoning. My grandma remembers he had hemophilia and once we were in process to adopt a boy with hemophilia, this peaked my interest. I found his death certificate online and saw the sad truth about the end of his life. He most likely lived with a great deal of pain from joint bleeds and may have chose to end his own life because of the pain (for which there was no medical remedy, or because he was indeed addicted to morphine... that he took for his pain.) Either way, a very sad truth. He was in his early 20s when he died.

 

note: Grandma still has this couch and end table in her house

She didn't grow up with a lot. Even though for many years of her life when she was married to my grandfather, who was a surgeon, she didn't want for anything, she always kept her “not let anything go to waste” mindset. So after my grandfather died, she has lived on his social security payments and interest from the bank and made EVERY penny count. That is another trait I remember well. She split her pieces of Wrigley's Doublemint gum in half to make the pack last longer, she ate leftovers often... very often, she could squeeze the last ounce of toothpaste from the tube like no one else, she wore clothes until they wore out, she washed out Ziploc bags and reused them as well as red solo cups, and we all remember the story of when my uncle put too much ketchup on his plate at dinner and she made him eat it all even when there was nothing left to dip in it. She never threw food out. If it was just picked over scraps, she would at least give it to the dog(s).

She has been on her own since 1974 when my grandfather, who died before I was born, passed away in his sleep from a heart attack on a February night. She had 11 grandchildren among her four kids and she made a point to be as involved as possible with us. I cherish all the memories I have with her... from the many trips to the Ormond beach “Florida House”, as we affectionately referred to it, to all the Christmas and Thanksgiving gatherings she hosted to playing cards to watching the Golden Girls or just talking with her. 

yes, that's me with the stink face

She showed me, and I'm sure all her grandkids, an unconditional love that I can still feel to this day. She isn't a flashy person but she always looks her best, she's not demanding but she seems to get her way, she's not overbearing but she's tough in spirit. She has lived her life with grace and, more than anything, she has quietly and unassumingly showed other's God's love through her words and actions.

I loved playing Memory with her. Note: my mom still has this exact game at her house.

Almost 5 years ago, I put together a video montage of all the pictures I could find of her through her, at the time, 90 years of life. It was a labor of love. As I spent many hours scanning in old photos, it hit me how there really are seasons of life. At the time, as a 33 year old, I had never really thought of it in that way. But seeing her as a young woman just married when she was 19 and then as each of her four children were born... and as her children grew...and she and my grandfather enjoyed time with family friends, many of whom she remained friends with until they passed away years ago... and then to her life as I knew her after she lost her husband of 35 years, it hit me that life really is a journey. There is no destination, only the journey. So, for goodness sake, we have to make the best of it... and to think that we are only on this earth for a blink of an eye in relation to eternity. To look back at those 90+ years and think that's only a glint in God's eye is kind of incomprehensible to me.

In making that video, I realized that my grandma had lived this whole other life before I knew her (as a kid I always thought she was 68, she was never younger and would never grow older.) And I started to think about how my life, at this point in time, will seem like a foreign world to my future grandkids. I'm sure she made mistakes along the way. I'm sure had has said things or done things that, looking back on it, she would have changed. But I don't believe she lives with regret. Not much point in that. She has faced difficulties with relationships in her life and I know she wishes things were different in some aspects. She has, what some would say, reason to be unhappy or resentful or angry or sad. But I never saw any of those emotions in her, or at least not for long.

One of the biggest things I learned from my Grandma is that your attitude makes all the difference. She could have been resentful, she could felt sorry for herself, she could have held grudges... but she didn't. And during those difficult circumstances that she encountered along her way, she just “put it in the Lord's hands” and trusted in Him and always asked for “His will to be done.” She took great comfort in her relationship with Jesus. To her, He was a close friend, a compass in her life whom she could always rely on and whom she tried to follow. Above all else, she would talk about God's love, and how we are to treat people kindly and love EVERYONE, even those who may hurt us or whom may not accept our love. She grew up and lived in an era and a part of the country where racism and prejudice were common, yet she didn't have those beliefs even though I know some of her friends and family did. She was always careful not to make derogatory remarks about others. She always saw the glass as half full. She made lemonade out of lemons. Even when her beautiful view of the north Georgia mountains out her back porch was altered by an RV park that popped up down the hill from her, she just decided that she'd look to the heavens instead of straight out. When she was 80 years old she was pruning her forsythia one morning and slipped on the dew-soaked grass and broke her ankle very badly. She pulled herself across the yard, up the back porch steps, inside and called her son BUT before he or the ambulance got there, she drug herself to the bedroom and got clean pants out of her closet so she wouldn't be messy when they arrived. Always look your best!
 When she was 85 she had hip replacement surgery which was a great decision because she had been in pain for years. And considering it's been over 10 years, I'd say she had a good return on her investment. But for an 85 year old to have such a major surgery and recover like she did is quite the accomplishment. A couple of weeks after coming home from the surgery, she was on her back porch swing to cut her toenails. She pulled her knee up too far, past the angle they told her she could and her hip popped out of joint and she was unable to move. She couldn't walk and was in a lot of pain. She hollered out (because that's what you do in the south) for someone to help. But her secluded and quiet mountain home was not a blessing that day. She called out for hours and eventually someone down in that RV park heard her and came to help. She learned from her experience, but still wanted to live on her own and has until very recently. 

She is not and never has been afraid of death. She's ready, whenever the Lord takes her. But, like she's said in her old age, she still feels good and would like to stick around a bit longer, Lord willing. Guess He agrees because she's still puttin' around, folks.

My grandma has an inner peace that makes others love her and want to be around her. And it's no secret that she gained that peace from her relationship with God. She isn't perfect, and she knows this. But she also knows that God loves her anyway, just as He does you and me. And her gift to the world around her was her kindness, her friendship, her devotion, and her love towards others.

One summer in my middle school years, I spent a week with her and went to vacation bible school at her little Baptist church in the mountains. The people up there were so nice and welcoming and humble; I know she always enjoyed living up there. My vacation bible school class that summer consisted of myself, my cousin Dana who was my age, and I think one other girl. Our leader was an elderly gentleman (probably in his 50s, but he seemed older to me at the time). I guess he was the only who volunteered to teach the middle school girls. At the end of the week, each class was to sing a song in front of the church. We were the oldest group and all the other groups had many more kids, you know, cute little kids. When I heard we were going to have to get up in front of the congregation and sing on Friday evening... I was terrified. I HATE speaking in front of people, and was terribly shy as a child. And then the day before, the other girl that was in our group backed out (which was smart) so it was just going to be me, my cousin, and our leader up there singing. Well, I decided that there was no way I was going to do this. Unh-uh, NO WAY. First of all, I couldn't carry a tune in the shower and there wasn't going to be enough other voices to drown me out, and secondly, EVERYONE in church would be looking at us... while we were singing no less! The song was “His Name is Wonderful.” See, I still remember it because I was so traumatized. We had practiced singing it a little the day before but I came home and was upset and told my grandma that I didn't want to do it. I was too nervous and was feeling ill about it. She listened to my concerns. She comforted me. And then she gently told me not to do it for myself, or the people in the church, or my group leader, or for her, but to do it for God. To sing the song to Him because it would make Him happy and would show other's His love... and that if I prayed to Him and asked for peace and courage, then everything would be alright. Somehow she knew what to say and believed in what she was saying enough to make me believe it. That evening two middle school girls and a gray-haired man stood up in front of the church and sang an old hymn. I was still nervous, but I didn't faint, which was a real possibility. And as we finished the song, every face in the congregation was smiling and we could feel the love in the room. And so I pushed my fear down that day and I sang for Him... but really I also sang for her.

I know my grandma wanted others to know Him like she did. But, at least to me, she was never overbearing about it. It was just the way she lived and the way she treated people. In her 70s, and even into her 80s, she used to visit elderly people who were homebound or go to the local assisted living facility in town (which is where she would always tell us she would go when she couldn't live alone anymore... none of us thought that would happen, but we humored her.) She talked to people, she made them feel important and cared for. She has had many friends throughout the years. She loves to laugh. Another favorite trait of mine is how she can turn red with laughter and have tears coming down her checks from the humor of something. I have cherished memories of hanging out with my grandma and her friend, Anne Sheppard, when they were in their 70s and we were on a trip to Florida. I believe it was spring break, and my brother and I wanted to go to the beach, so my mom thought it'd be a great idea for Grandma and Anne to take us. I was 15 or 16. Those ladies were a hoot together. They so much enjoyed each other's company. Anne and my grandma had been friends for about 50 years. Anne had lost her first husband, and her second husband, so the two widows along with two other friends who were also widows (they likened themselves to the Golden Girls, my grandma was Rose and Anne was Blanche), would take trips to Florida and get together on a regular basis. Grandma and Anne kept in close contact until Anne passed away several years ago. On that spring break, we played rummy every night and listened to Grandma and Anne tell old stories and just cry from laughing so hard.

Anne is on the far left

She is a woman with manners, she is humble, she is kind, and she can sing a wonderful version of “Jesus Loves Me.” She takes care of herself, and has always been active, but was never an exerciser. I would describe her as striving to be productive and useful at all times. She adamantly believed in drinking 8 glasses of water a day, getting outside for a daily walk and taking as little medication as possible.

She was at my parent's house when Fred first met my family, she was at the hospital when my first-born arrived... she's always been like my special treat, icing on the cake of life to me. I guess that's what grandmothers want to be like, right? Grandkids are the apple of your eye, whatever that means... well, she always made me feel special. 

The past several months I've gotten emotional when I think of my grandma, and I'm not sure why. She's still doing great, all things considered. I mean, she's 94 years old for pete's sake. Her mind is giving out on her and she has a lot of trouble with short term memory as well as remembering things in general. Isn't it funny? You go through this life making all of these memories, good and bad and near the end, they aren't with you. You are constantly in the present and even though you may have a feeling in the back of your mind that there is something you should remember, you can't begin to know what it is. But is my grandma sad? Is she bitter? Is she depressed? No. No, she's drinking her lemonade and enjoying it. And now she has 17 great-grandkids and even though she can't remember their names or sometimes even if their her great-grandchildren, she does have moments of clarity. And the other day she looked at Joshua and asked his name and after I told her, she said, "and now you adopted him, right?" (So she's with it enough to realize one of these things is not like the others;)) And she shared her support and told me how great she thought it was last year after we adopted Sam. Little does she know that she was a big part of my faith journey.

And I know many of you who are reading this may not know my grandma. And really I'm writing this for myself. It's something that I've felt I wanted to do for a while. And while you may not ever meet her, I'm gonna bet that'd you'd like her. I just feel so lucky and thankful that she is my grandma and that all my kids know her and will remember her. I respect and admire her more than I than she knows, and probably more than she thinks she deserves.

taken last month

So my take away from Grandma?.. above all else love others, don't go around in pity for yourself, don't hold grudges, always forgive, treat others with kindness, and finally... you have to decide to be happy, it's not something you can find, it's not a destination.